Scientist say that the brain chemistry of infatuation is akin to mental illness- which gives new meaning to ‘madly in love’.
Why do we fall in love? And when we do fall, why do our faculties of reason and decency and self-respect as well as right and wrong sometimes not come along? Why would anyone reciprocate the love of a partner who has come so romantically unhinged?
The problem with idealizing love is that it makes people develop unrealistic expectation about what love actually is and what it can offer.
Love does not equal compatibility; love is an emotional process, compatibility is logical. Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t mean they are good partner to be with over a long period. It is possible we fall in love with someone who doesn’t treat us with respect, makes us feel unhappy, who often time talk about their life with other partner and isolate us in the real discussion and those who don’t deserve us. It is possible to fall for someone whose life ambitions are different from ours. When I think of several disastrous relationship I’ve seen and heard about, most of them were entered into as a result of emotion (they felt the spark) and so they succumbed.
Falling for a capital letter tongues brother or a simple sister who is a member of the choir or a Muslim brother who knows the Quran or a Muslim sister who covers all part of her body except her eyes, is not yet a yardstick for compatibility. Then some months later you begin to wonder, mehn! Where did it go wrong? The truth is, it went wrong before it even began. When dating and looking for a partner, you must use not only your heart but also your mind. You want to find someone who makes your heart beat faster and a person who tells you your fart smells. However you need to evaluate the persons value, how he/she treat himself/herself, how they treat others, how they relate with the society at large, their set goals and ambitions, their belief. If you fall for someone who is incompatible with you and you decide to tie the knot then you are a sinking ship and you will definitely have a bad time’.
Furthermore, love doesn’t solve all relationship problem in the real sense, if it does then we wouldn’t have broken homes and so many lost life. Most couples say each time we fight,we would come back to each other the next day and make up and remind each other how crazy we were about one another and really none of those little issues matter because we are so in love with each other. We will find a way to work it out and everything will be great. Really I am not disputing that but you must communicate, it is a necessity. While love may make you feel better about your relationship problem, it doesn’t actually solve all your relationship problems.
Some basic mistake youth do is that they sacrifice their self-respect, dignity, physical body, ambition, carer and life purpose to be with someone. In this case I would rather say love is problematic if you decide to go through all these in the name of love. If we find ourselves in situation where we tolerate abusive behaviour, then that’s exactly what we are doing because from the beginning of this write-up I said something about faculties of reasoning, decency and self-respect. Now if all aforementioned didn’t accompany you in the relationship then you are to be treated as one who forgot about their life purpose just to be with someone. We are allowing our so called love to affect our lives and if we are not careful, we may begin to fade on a daily basis.
So, all my wring emphasises why we should marry our friends, well we should but why do we tolerate behaviour in our romantic relationships that ordinarily we would never tolerate in our friendship? I say to myself, I can fall in love again, over and over but once I lose my self-respect, my dignity, or my ability to trust then getting it back will be liken to waiting for a chicken to grow tooth.
Finally, love is an experience that can define us, our identities, and our purpose but do not let it consume you. Love is great, love is life, love is necessary, love is beautiful but all this would only be experienced with the right person.
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